Fatherhood: Rejecting Passivity

This is the third post in my week long series on fatherhood, which is dedicated to my dad, Fred L. Tousey.  The topic today is Rejecting Passivity.

“it's my responsibility to cultivate the man in my son. I can't be passive about that.”  Randy Alcorn, Courageous

FATHERHOOD: REJECTING PASSIVITY

With these words, Psalm 127, Verses 3-5 (ESV) teaches us that children are a gift from God.  “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”  As with any gift we have a responsibility to take care of the children we are given.  We are to respect the gift.  This post will discuss one way in which we can honor the very special gift of fatherhood.

Several years ago I participated in the Men’s Fraternity program at Grace Community Church which is located in Fulton, Maryland.   On Monday nights at 19:00 about 200 guys would gather.  They range in age from teenagers to men older than me. Many churches offer this program.  To find one in your area click on the Men's Fraternity link above.

The Men’s Fraternity program was established by Pastor Robert Lewis.

The program promotes four principles.  These principles are that real men:

1.   Reject Passivity

2.   Accept Responsibility

3.   Leads courageously and

4.   Invest Eternally.

These principles were stressed at each of our meetings and because of their importance I will write a separate post on each of them.

In our society today way too many men have become passive observers in the lives of their children.  They abdicate their responsibilities to their wives, their children’s teachers, coaches and sadly at times to no one at all.  As you read in yesterday’s post the results have not been good.

To be fully engaged (non passive) you must provide your children with both quality and quantity time. Quality time is defined as giving your children your full attention without outside distractions.  Without outside distractions means no texting, no phone calls, no television.  This is time that you and your child are together and your only focus is your child.  Whether it is playing catch, talking, coaching, hiking, it is your quality time together.  Please notice I did not include going to ball games and such.  There are other times for “group” activities; this is your one on one time.

Being fully engaged also means coaching and correcting your child.  In spite of what they think kids are not born knowing everything.  They will make mistakes and it is your responsibility as their father to guide them back on the right path.  You cannot rely on others to do it.  First, it is not an outsider’s responsibility, it is your responsibility.  You are the one that God entrusted with that responsibility.  You are the one who knows the moral road you want your child to travel.  You are the one who knows your child.  Remember no two children are alike.

In rejecting passivity and being engaged in your children’s lives, you must keep a check on your own behavior.  Remember you are a role model and those little eyes are always watching you.   In 2006, Rodney Atkins had a song out which does a great job of reminding fathers that little eyes are always on dad and soaking in everything dad does.  The song is appropriately titled “Watching Me”.  Now I know that dads are not perfect and we will make mistakes that our children will see and when we do we have to acknowledge that we fell short, accept responsibility and move forward.  It is important for our children to see how we move forward after a misstep because in their lives they will take many a misstep after all they are only human.

In my view being fully engaged means letting our children observe us pray.  When my children were young this was an area I was not consciously aware of but I am happy to say my unconscious behavior did provide my children this opportunity.  My daughter and I were talking when she was about 12 and I am not sure how it came up but I said I pray throughout the day.  She responded “Yes, I know I hear you.”   Over the years I have developed a habit of praying aloud in the morning and never gave it a second thought.  I felt so good when she told me that she heard me because I was starting to feel I had failed in that area.  Prayer and a connection with God is critically important.  Make sure your children see you pray and make sure to pray with them. They need you to be a prayerful and Godly role model.  If you have not been doing it, it is not too late to start.