Fatherhood: Invest Eternally

Fatherhood: Invest Eternally 

The fourth principle taught in Men’s Fraternity is to Invest Eternally.  Some might be scratching their heads on this one.  What does that mean?

Dictionary.com defines eternity as “infinite time; duration without beginning or end.”

In 1 John 2:25 (ESV) we learn “and this is the promise that He made to us—eternal life.”

In Chapter three of the Book of Ecclesiastics we are taught that for everything there is a season.  The very first lesson is that there is a “time to be born and a time to die.”  Based on the promise of eternal life and eternity meaning infinite time (or without end) we understand this verse to be discussing our earthly birth and our earthly death.  We as Christians understand that life on earth is not all that there is.

The best insight on eternity I have found comes from former NFL Quarterback Trent Dilford.  Several years ago he was being interviewed for the book “Men of Sunday” he discussed the death of his five year old son. Trent said something very profound and I would like to share it with you because I think it will help us understand why it is so important to invest eternally.   Here is what Trent said "if the motivation for your faith is what's going on in the...years we have here on this earth, then you are missing the truth of God's promises. What God promises is eternity. This is not our home. When we make our decision to trust in Him and to follow Him, our home is with Him for eternity."

This principle of investing eternally looks forward, not to later in our earthly life, but beyond this life.  This principle is what charges men to invest in their children and other young people to help them prepare for eternity.

In order to make the proper investment we must understand what the choices are for eternity.  There are two.  We can either reap a reward in Heaven with God or we can reap eternal punishment in Hell.  There are no other alternatives.  I am sure we all want our children and the young people we invest in to reap reward and not punishment.  In order to achieve our goal we must seize every opportunity to teach them to be Godly men and women.  How accomplish this:

First, we have to let them know that we love God and that he is a part of our life.  To do this we must model a prayerful life.  We need to let them see us pray, to pray with them and give them the opportunity to lead the family in prayer.  We must attend church regularly. 

Dad needs to be a leader in teaching his children to be faithful to the Lord. Sadly, too many dads abdicate this responsibility and such abdication most times has a lifelong affect on their children, in fact it could have an eternal affect on their souls.

When Dad consistently goes to church with his family 60% of those children will continue modeling that behavior for the rest of their lives.  When Dad does not consistently go to church only 4% of their children attend church regularly as adults. 

We need to role model not only good moral behavior.  We also must demonstrate our love of the Lord.  We must let our children see how we honor and glorify God as well as how we seek out His will and submit ourselves to His will. Our children’s eternal future depends on it.

Fatherhood: Leads Courageously

FATHERHOOD: LEADS COURAGEOUSLY 

As I sat down to write this post I decided to look up the meaning of the word courageous.  The definition from the Merriam Webster online dictionary is as follows, ”strength of mind to carry on in spite of danger or difficulty”.

We all remember times where we felt the fear of danger it might have been while on the roller coaster as a kid, a near miss car accident or a career choice such as firefighter, police officer or joining the military.   We also remember times of difficulty whether it was studying for a hard test in school, standing up for something you believe in when you will be challenged or taking on a challenging project.

As I write this I have the news on and there is a story of an 8 year old boy who was trapped in a house fire with his siblings.  He carried his 4 year old sister to safety and was then overcome by smoke as attempted to rescue his 6 year old brother.  He himself was rescued by firefighters and is recovering from burns at a Baltimore hospital.

In 2011 a Christian movie came to the silver screen (boy am I showing my age here) titled you guessed it “Courageous”.  In the opening scene character Nathan Hayes ran after and held onto his stolen truck as the thief tried to get away traveling at a pretty good pace.  Witnesses were saying and I paraphrase, “it’s only a truck, let it go.”   Well, for those of us that saw the movie soon learned it was much more than a truck.  Hayes infant son was asleep in the truck when it was stolen. 

Most of us are not called upon to display the acts of courage that this 8 year old boy and Nathan Hayes displayed.  However, what we must do is equally important as it shapes our children into the men and women they will become.

The courage most parents will need to exhibit is more likely to be difficult rather than dangerous.  The decisions we make will be difficult because they will be met with resistance from the very people we are shaping, our children.  Sadly, the difficulty will be increased because too many parents today abdicate their responsibilities and let their children run the show.  For any parent this is unacceptable but for the Christian parent it is even more unacceptable the bible instructs us to train our children.  In Proverbs 22:6 (ESV) we are told to “train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”    Seems pretty clear to me but many ignore this instruction.

We as parents must realize that we have a little more information about life than our children and it is our responsibility to use that information to guide them on the right path.  It will not always be easy to get them to bed at a reasonable hour, get them to church regularly, to teach them manners, help them to be healthy, responsible and moral decision making. 

We will hear “but Johnny can”….  Well, the bottom line is your not Johnny and you’re not Johnny’s father.  We cannot be influenced by the decisions other parents make.

We must be able to stand up to the crying, moaning and complaining.  The cries of “you don’t love me” or “you’re mean” must not hinder us.  We must not fall for the temper tantrums or the threats of running away.  We must stick to our guns and have the courage to make the decisions necessary to raise our children into mature, responsible, Christian adults.

While we might never be faced with saving a child from a burning building or rescue a child from a stolen car, the decisions we make will be just as courageous and as important to our children’s future.

Fatherhood: Accepting Responsibility

Fatherhood:  Accepting Responsibility

Most of us consider ourselves responsible and think “oh, this is the easy one”.  Is it?  I think not.  While many of us might be responsible in showing up for work, in renewing our drivers’ license and some even pay their bills on time, accepting responsibility is an area in which men have struggled since the beginning of time.

Let’s take a look in The Book of Genesis, which is the first book of the bible.  What happened when God confronted Adam about eating the forbidden fruit?  Did he man up and say yes God, I disobeyed and I ate the forbidden fruit, I am sorry?  No instead of owning his disobedience he responded”

“The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.”  Genesis 3:12 (ESV).

Let’s examine Adam’s response closely.  It is very clear that he is not accepting responsibility and he is shifting it to Eve.  But it gets worse.  Look at the words he uses “…the woman whom You gave me…”  (emphasis added)  Yes, that’s right he went even further and blamed God.  Ouch !!!

It does not stop there.  The bible is full of examples where people avoid responsibility.  King David put one of his generals in a position to be killed to cover up his adultery.  Peter denied knowing Jesus three times to avoid death himself.

Irresponsibility is not only in the bible, it exists in our daily lives.  I venture to say that we all attempt to avoid responsibility.  As I sat down to write this blog I decided to “google” excuses thinking I could just come up with a few of the most common excuses.  Well, as you can guess there were way too many to count.  Which is not surprising, we all use excuses.  Let’s face it we are human and we make mistakes.  The problem is none of us like admitting that we are the one responsible so we try to shift the responsibility or cover up the mistake.   It really takes courage to “stand up & man up” and accept responsibility.  Humans avoid accepting responsibility throughout their lives. When we are kids and we tell the little white lie of the dog eating our homework and as adults we justify being late for the important meeting because of heavy traffic instead of saying we overslept.

As Dads do we ever think of the behavior we are modeling for our children when are trying to avoid a phone call and ask our child to tell the caller we are not home?  Wouldn’t it be better to take the call?  We will get the unpleasantness out of the way and set a better example for our children. 

How about when we are driving with our children, look in the rear view mirror and notice that red lights are flashing on the car behind us.  Yes, the local police officer wants to have a chat about your driving habits.  Don’t the excuses flow once the conversation begins? All within ear shot of junior. 

I recently had a powerful teaching opportunity with my 11 year old grandson and it worked out great.   

I was asked to offer a prayer at the beginning of a professional boxing match, so I took him with me.  At the time I had a problem with my car.  The left blinker would not stop blinking and the right one would not blink at all. So as we were driving home at midnight you guessed it a police officer wanted to chat with me.  As soon as the officer got to my window I said “I bet you want to talk to me about my blinkers” and of course she said yes.  I explained what the problem was and that my mechanic was ordering the part.  Then I also had to explain that I misplaced my license that day (extremely responsible of me).  I handed her my registration and my Veteran’s Administration Id card and off she went.  I expected a repair order for the blinker and a ticket for not having my license.  Much to my surprise she returned without either.  She just returned my license and told me to be careful.  On the way home I was able to have a conversation with my grandson about how being honest and pleasant pays off.  Imagine if I had started to act surprised and tell lies.  I bet the conversation on the way home would have been much different.

Fatherhood: Rejecting Passivity

This is the third post in my week long series on fatherhood, which is dedicated to my dad, Fred L. Tousey.  The topic today is Rejecting Passivity.

“it's my responsibility to cultivate the man in my son. I can't be passive about that.”  Randy Alcorn, Courageous

FATHERHOOD: REJECTING PASSIVITY

With these words, Psalm 127, Verses 3-5 (ESV) teaches us that children are a gift from God.  “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”  As with any gift we have a responsibility to take care of the children we are given.  We are to respect the gift.  This post will discuss one way in which we can honor the very special gift of fatherhood.

Several years ago I participated in the Men’s Fraternity program at Grace Community Church which is located in Fulton, Maryland.   On Monday nights at 19:00 about 200 guys would gather.  They range in age from teenagers to men older than me. Many churches offer this program.  To find one in your area click on the Men's Fraternity link above.

The Men’s Fraternity program was established by Pastor Robert Lewis.

The program promotes four principles.  These principles are that real men:

1.   Reject Passivity

2.   Accept Responsibility

3.   Leads courageously and

4.   Invest Eternally.

These principles were stressed at each of our meetings and because of their importance I will write a separate post on each of them.

In our society today way too many men have become passive observers in the lives of their children.  They abdicate their responsibilities to their wives, their children’s teachers, coaches and sadly at times to no one at all.  As you read in yesterday’s post the results have not been good.

To be fully engaged (non passive) you must provide your children with both quality and quantity time. Quality time is defined as giving your children your full attention without outside distractions.  Without outside distractions means no texting, no phone calls, no television.  This is time that you and your child are together and your only focus is your child.  Whether it is playing catch, talking, coaching, hiking, it is your quality time together.  Please notice I did not include going to ball games and such.  There are other times for “group” activities; this is your one on one time.

Being fully engaged also means coaching and correcting your child.  In spite of what they think kids are not born knowing everything.  They will make mistakes and it is your responsibility as their father to guide them back on the right path.  You cannot rely on others to do it.  First, it is not an outsider’s responsibility, it is your responsibility.  You are the one that God entrusted with that responsibility.  You are the one who knows the moral road you want your child to travel.  You are the one who knows your child.  Remember no two children are alike.

In rejecting passivity and being engaged in your children’s lives, you must keep a check on your own behavior.  Remember you are a role model and those little eyes are always watching you.   In 2006, Rodney Atkins had a song out which does a great job of reminding fathers that little eyes are always on dad and soaking in everything dad does.  The song is appropriately titled “Watching Me”.  Now I know that dads are not perfect and we will make mistakes that our children will see and when we do we have to acknowledge that we fell short, accept responsibility and move forward.  It is important for our children to see how we move forward after a misstep because in their lives they will take many a misstep after all they are only human.

In my view being fully engaged means letting our children observe us pray.  When my children were young this was an area I was not consciously aware of but I am happy to say my unconscious behavior did provide my children this opportunity.  My daughter and I were talking when she was about 12 and I am not sure how it came up but I said I pray throughout the day.  She responded “Yes, I know I hear you.”   Over the years I have developed a habit of praying aloud in the morning and never gave it a second thought.  I felt so good when she told me that she heard me because I was starting to feel I had failed in that area.  Prayer and a connection with God is critically important.  Make sure your children see you pray and make sure to pray with them. They need you to be a prayerful and Godly role model.  If you have not been doing it, it is not too late to start.