Fathers
as Leaders
This
article is dedicated to my Dad
Fred
L. Tousey
1915-1967
Gone
way too soon but remains an inspiration.
Two
years ago I wrote a popular article entitled “Fatherhood: The Sad Reality of
the Absentee Father.” That article
discussed the adverse effects of a fatherless home. Today’s article will consider why fathers are
so important and how fathers can be more effective leaders in their families.
In
the Sad Reality of the Absentee, we noted that former Maryland Governor
Bob Ehrlich’s often recalls his many visits to the state’s juvenile and adult
correctional facilities and how the majority of the inmates were males from
fatherless homes. This observation finds support in a 2007 article by then Maryland Delegate, now State Senator Joanne C. Benson in which she noted that
85% of youth in prison are from fatherless homes. Other startling statistics noted by Senator
Benson include that 63% of young people who die by suicide, 71% of high school
drop outs and 75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers are from
fatherless homes. Senator Benson
observed that young men are in desperate need of positive role models and the
presence of strong focused men in their lives.
She also noted this is not to say females or mothers should not be part
of the equation. Had it not been for the
strong presence and influence of the female, more children would have fallen
through the cracks. I experienced this after my dad died prematurely. Fortunately I had a strong mother who filled in the cracks. However, she was not able to role model how a man leads a family nor how he treats a woman.
Now
that we have established the critical role a father plays in life of his
children we can consider how a man can be a better and more effective leader
and role model.
Many
people misunderstand what a leader is. Some
feel a leader should intimidate others and bark orders. This however is not biblical leadership and
it is not the way God commands men to lead. Domestic violence and abuse is not
biblical leadership.
How
then does God command men to lead ? Let’s
examine Ephesians 6:4 (ESV) which teaches us “Fathers, do not provoke your
children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the
Lord.” Adam Clark in his commentary
relating to this verse states “…Parents are called to correct; not to punish,
their children. Those who punish them do it from a principle of revenge; those
who correct them do it from a principle of affectionate concern.”
In
that leadership should always have love as its foundation we gain further
insight on how to lead in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (ESV):
Love is patient, love
is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not
dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no
record of wrongs. Love does not delight
in evil but rejoices with the truth. It
always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
What
we see in these verse is that God calls men to be patient, kind, trustworthy
and instructs us not to easily anger.
As
leaders, fathers must be humble and willing to allow the members of their
family to use and develop the gifts God has given them. This requires that men delegate some of their
responsibilities to those family members who are gifted in those areas. Fathers must also be willing to admit fault
when they are wrong. Fathers need to be
servant leaders, leading by example rather than by command. Fathers must also be able to resolve disputes
by consensus rather than by edict.
It
is essential for fathers to take the spiritual lead in the family. Fathers should humble themselves by getting
on their knees and praying in front of their family. Fathers need to attend worship with the
family. Fathers must make every effort
to live a Christian life and when they fail to do what is necessary to make
things right. Most times the recovery
from failure is a more important lesson than doing it right the first time.
Fathers
must honor their wives. They need to show appropriate affection to their wife
and children. Fathers need to publicly
demonstrate appreciation and respect for his wife’s role in the family. Fathers must also publicly recognize the
achievements of the members of his family.
Fathers must remember the words of Proverbs 20:7 “The
righteous who walks in his integrity— blessed
are his children after him!” and demonstrate integrity in all that he does.
This article is not intended to be an
exhaustive analysis of how God calls fathers to lead but is intended to plant a
seed that hopefully will promote further study and discussion.
Dads remember we are not Supermen. We cannot do this alone. Seek out other Christian men to provide
counsel and guidance. I belong to a Men’s
group at church and this has been a valuable resource to me. Each men is at a different stage in his walk
and come from diverse background. This
diversity in experience and background provides a wonderful resource and has
certainly helped me grow as a man. God
bless and happy Father’s Day.
